The next installment-Toxic People

     Well it's 0300 and I've been up now for about an hour and a half. Isn't insomnia wonderful? Actually I'm sleeping much better these days. I'm finally at the end of the monumental task of closing up the house. I have to say that for the first time in 3 years I have my "shit together." Now I just have to find it! LOL! The countless hours of sorting tools, craft supplies and 46 years of family life in this place have finally come to an end. The  house is all but closed and it echos so badly it's eerie. I've never in my life seen it empty. I believed with all my heart that I would simply purchase my home back and live out the rest of my years here as my mom and grandparents did. Financial Freedom /OneWest Bank had different ideas. You can read about that on Face Book.  Reverse Mortgages are Predatory Lending and follow my new blog Go Ask Leonard. I am moving my campaign to slander OneWest Bank away from my personal blog and in to it's own format.
     I'm not done with this personal blog though. As I said in my last post, it's time to look at my life. I'll be 50 in 15 days. In the year since my mom died I have fought with everything I have to keep my home. That's all over now and as I close my eyes to sleep at night I can't help but think about the number of people who have taken advantage of me and stepped on me when I was down over the last 3 years. Some have stolen. Others have lied and manipulated and still others have have used the most hurtful of all weapons. My grandchildren. 
     Over the years I grew up watching first my grandparents and then my mom continually try to help people, with much the same result as I have gotten. It taught me to believe in the goodness in people and in humanity. In the end though a slim few of those people were around during their final days. It saddened me to have mom ask for people who she thought were her friends, only to have to tell her that I had already called them and could do no more.                   Unfortunately our society is full of what I am calling "Toxic" People. I'm sick to death of them.      During these trying times it has been my true friends who have helped me get up over and over again. The toxic people who I have met along the way only suck the life out of me. Some days it seems like there isn't much life left. Mostly though I'm committed to getting Silly Sisters Studio off the ground and exposing Financial Freedom and OneWest Bank for the vultures that they are.
     If you are reading this blog I guess it's up to you to decide if you are one of the toxic ones. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in humanity and in the goodness of people. I will however be making better decisions about who to trust with my heart, my energies and my resources. If you are into emotional sabotage, need money or a place to stay, lie, steal and manipulate Or think you are entitled to everything I plan to keep you out of my life and my space. I don't have the time or energy for drama. Life and kids come with a certain amount of it but I don't have to have your's added to it. 
     It's time for me to move along and figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. For today it's all Studio and Slander!! I plan to pitch my tent at the court house tonight during art walk to try to get some media attention. During the 3 weeks prior to the sale my sister and I contacted all 4 local channels and they all declined to do a story. They suck and I'm calling them out! I'll bet they would have done a story if I had lived with my dead mummified mother in the house for 9 months. A lady a few years back was all over the news for that and guess what! The community came together and fixed her house so it wasn't condemned and packed with hoarded junk. ALL I WANT IS A VOICE!!!

Reflections before my 50th Birthday

     I guess the place to start this story is at the time of my separation from Bill. It was Thanksgiving of 2011. Thank You Jeff for helping me figure out what year. Actually let’s go a little further back to before that when Bill moved in with his girlfriend and I began the process of packing the detritus of our 10 year marriage. I’m not entirely sure what month that was but the packing began then. Over the years I have packed and stored stuff cast off by all 4 of my kids but the truly drudging task of sifting through the remains of people’s lives began with my marital home.

       Now forward to Thanksgiving 2011. I moved my crap to Golden Road and then spent Thanksgiving weekend at Cecil Webb with Dragon and our gangs.  I was working 0700-1900 on 5N at Lee Memorial Hospital at the time.  

     I want to stop here and talk about my Director and Co-Workers on 5N.  When Anne recruited me I was still working for the Central Staffing Registry and floating to all 4 LMH hospitals. I was looking for a “home” and she helped me find one. During my time on 5N I worked with some of THE BEST staff and THE BEST Director I had ever had the pleasure to work with. Our team cared for many of the most difficult patients in the system and did a fabulous job of it. Most of all though we became a family. It is the staff NOT the patients that keep nurses coming back to 5N.  The lessons I learned from these individuals are overwhelming and will stay in my “tool box” forever. The love and support I received from you guys is a huge part of what has carried me to this point in my life. Days shift saw me through my divorce, 2 moves and countless family dramas. Night shift truly carried me through my mother’s illness and death. They carried my load long after my health stopped me from truly being a part of their team.  Amazingly enough I know that many of them still care about me even after the demise of my nursing career with Lee Memorial Health System.

It was while I was on the dirt road that I dated Brady, Doug, and Gary.  I also met my buddy Russ and my daughter Nikole met and started dating Doug’s son. Cory lived with us for most of the time we were on Golden road.

     My separation and divorce was hardest on my youngest daughter Shyenne. After we moved from Punta Gorda I had a very difficult time with her and Shy eventually moved to Texas to live with her father.

     It was also during this time that my daughter Nikole found out she was pregnant for the first time.   On Aug. 7, 2012 Olivia Kathleen was delivered by cesarean section 2 months prematurely.  She was in NICU at Health Park Hospital for 30 days, requiring daily trips from Slater Road for Nikki and Cory. 

     I stayed there on the dirt road for 16 months and during that time it was home to 2 more of my “kids.” Christina and Michael lived there with me and right before I moved out Birkley and Dottie were my roomies. In fact I think their daughter Kerri still lives in that house.

     What an awful, depressing summer 2012 was.  Water and mud so deep I had to roll up my scrubs and take my Birkies off to wade to my truck.  In fact Golden Road was all over the news the summer that mom was sick. I really do love the area out there though and during the dry season Sophia, Sebastian, Noah and I spent many fun filled hours playing, gardening and crafting at the little place in the woods.  After Olivia was home her favorite place to be was in the garden with grandma especially if she was in her swing.  How ironic that I will be moving back to the dirt road Thanksgiving weekend of 2014, almost exactly 3 years to the day since I moved there the first time?   

      I moved to my place on Little Grove Lane in March of 2012, about a month before my mom’s diagnosis.  I was so happy to get off the dirt road before the next rainy season came and just thrilled to be living across the street from my friends Dan and Laura and around the corner from Laura’s parents NeNe and Pappy.

     At any rate, mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer on April 12, 2012 in the ER of my hospital after a fall. She was admitted to 2W.  I stayed with her at the hospital that night and began notifying family members, learning about treatment options and arranging logistics. I became my mom’s nurse. It was also around this time that I made the switch from days to nights at work. I didn’t realize it then, but the shift change made a HUGE difference in my ability to accommodate mom’s treatment schedule.

     It was decided that radiation therapy was the first course of action in order to attempt to shrink the metastatic tumor in her right frontal lobe and the primary tumor in her lung. After discharge mom returned to her home with the help of her roomies Jeff and Robbie. Sissy and I ran our butts off 6 weeks and with the help of John and Jeff we completed radiation therapy with KK.

     It was 8 weeks before the MRI to determine if the radiation had been successful.  Never the less, mom continued to decline and before the MRI was completed  I moved in with her full time right after Doug  and I came back from the Coca Cola 400 in Daytona. That was Fourth of July Weekend 2013.   I didn’t see the inside of that house on Little Grove again until months later when I was able to get one more load of my stuff out of there before I was refused entrance  and had to call the Sherriff’s Dept. to get my cable boxes so I could return them.   

     I continued to pay the rent at my place on Little Grove in hopes that I would be going back there soon and my pets stayed there for a while with my daughter Nikole and my niece Danielle rotating time at my house and time at moms with me. I didn’t bring my critters over to moms with me for a while because there were already 4 dogs at her place. Eventually my ex sister in law Linda moved into the Little Grove house.               

     The months from July to mom’s passing were bittersweet. My family cared for KK, celebrated LuLu’s 1^st birthday, retrieved the Twit from Texas and forged relationships that had been fractured many years ago.  Sissy became a clown and we filled mom’s room with balloon animals. There were good times and sad times but in the end we were able to help mom maintain her quality of life until the very end. She passed peacefully on Set 15, 2013.  She and I were alone in the house. I was scheduled to work and was asleep at 1500 when she woke me up to say “goodbye.” The rest of the gang was all together at Tilly’s birthday party. This seems a good place to stop and post my ramblings. It's time to look at my life since my moms passing. That will be the next installment.

Another Year

Another Year...
It's been almost a year since mom passed away. I've neglected this blog again. My plate has been so full I just don't have time. Besides trying to sort through the remnants of 50 years worth of family in this house, I have been trying retain ownership of the family homestead. All that is left is to obtain one letter from OneWest Bank to approve the HUD Redenption short sale. They are stalling, as they have done since the beginning and the home is due for sale on the courthouse steps in Nov. I have created a FB page, Reverse Mortgages are Predatory Lending. If you follow this blog, please like and share my page.  If people can use FB to scam money out of KFC I should be able to use it to expose OneWest Bank as the vultures that they are.

In a matter of months...

                                           
All God's Creatures

5 Generations Parade

The Duck Pond

A Family Affair

Okie Turns 1! 

In a matter of 4 months...

On April 12th 2013, after a trip to the ER my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. Stage 4 with 2 metastatic lesions in the brain. So begins the journey that we have taken over these last 4 months. After being released from the hospital following a 5 day stay, mom was able to go home on her own with a little bit of help from her "roomies."  

     So the treatment regimen begins.  3 weeks (15 treatments) of whole brain radiation and 5 targeted lung treatments.  My sister and I were able to manage almost all the transportation to and from Radiation. Thanks to Jeff and John who filled in when we couldn't.   During these treatments mom's spirits were high and she had fun "acting the fool" with her horn and bell on her cane and autographs on her bald head.  She made some friends and was able to share the treatment experience with others.  I think this was one of the most important chapters in her journey.  The simple pleasure of laughing, smiling and connecting with others.  During her last whole brain treatment she suffered a seizure in the treatment room but her sense of humor never waned.  She even made jokes about her "flop like a fish" episode.  

     Throughout May and June there were a few mishaps and mom got one heck of a cold.  Increasing weakness and and the need for adaptive equipment led to many arguments between her and I.  Her staunch refusal to allow me to drill into the tile in the bathroom to hang grab bars, refusal to allow a bedside commode in her room and numerous other battles made this a particularly difficult time for me.  As a nurse I have been taught to be proactive and set things in motion to keep "patients" safe.  I found it extremely frustrating to attempt to do what I know how to do, only to be told "NO, I won't do that" with every suggestion that I made.  

     Finally on July 6th while I was in Daytona for the Coca Cola 400, mom fell and was no longer able to bear any weight on her left leg.  After an MRI it was discovered that she has a Tibial Plateau fracture.  This was the point that we started staying with her full time.  "We" is myself, my daughter Nikole and her cousin Danielle.  I couldn't do this without the help and support of my family and friends.  

     On July 18th I had to make an unexpected and very hurried trip to Texas to get my youngest daughter, Shyenne. My friend Gary and I drove 44 hours straight there and back.  It was a long, tiring trip but Shy is home and that wipes a big portion off my plate.  She has seen what her dad is all about.  I hate everything she went through while she was in Texas, but sometimes you have to learn the hard way. 

     When I got home from Texas, mom had a period of rapid decline. She went from being a one person assist to max assist overnight.  Legs like jelly, dead weight.  Also incontinent.  At this point I called Hospice and made a request for services.  My sister was pretty upset with me because to her Hospice means your going to die right away and that we were giving up.  She was able to meet with the Admission Nurse from Hospice (Thank You Libby) and understands the services better now.  Hospice has been a great help to us.  They have made so many things easier to arrange and manage.  We had the "post radiation" MRI on the 26th of July.  Had to have Ambitrans come and take mom on a stretcher.  That was a discouraging day.  Realizing that we can no longer lift her into the car.  so many things that I had hoped to have time to do with her.  Like a drive down memory lane out to my grandpas old gas station and such. My sister Mitchie and I were trying to get these things together, but we didn't get there fast enough.  Maybe I can still figure out how to make it happen. We shall see.  The results of the MRI were not good and the brain mets actually got "minimally" bigger during radiation Even though  the treatments did nothing for the tumors, I still think mom benefited from them a lot.  She had the opportunity to take a stab at fighting this disease and meet others who are doing the same.  

     It's been a difficult road for everyone.  A mishap with moms dogs led to visits from Animal Control, The Sheriffs Dept and ultimately DCF.  What do the sheriff and DCF have to do with the dogs you ask?  Well the same neighbor who claims moms dog (an Australian Shepard) attacked his dog also called the sheriffs to report that there was increased traffic at moms house and that he was concerned we were selling drugs and running a grow house. The Sheriffs Deputies felt obligated to make a report to DCF to determine whether we were exploiting mom and her meds.  Some folks just have nothing better to do I guess. All that was a huge hassle and WAY more drama than I needed, but it's over and done except for an appearance in "Doggie Court" in Oct.  

     There are no more treatment options available at this point.  Chemotherapy does not cross the blood-brain barrier so will be useless. Plus mom does not have the strength for it even if it was an option.  Mitchie and I have decided to forgo any more Dr. appointments. It's just too much on mom to use Good Wheels and ride in the wheel chair for any length of time.  We are saving her energy for the fun things and just trying to do this the best way we know how.  With the love and support of our family and friends I think we are succeeding. There are not enough ways to thank the people who are supporting us through this.  Moms friends Allen and Jeff, Sissy's boyfriend Mark, Laura and Dan, Dragon and her kids and of course my daughters and Dani and Nicole W.  
    We had a great birthday party for Okie Dokie on Sat Aug 3rd here at moms. She was able to join the festivities for a short time and had a ball.  On Monday we had a 5 generation parade through the neighborhood.  Did I mention that my sister is in clown school?  Hence the parade complete with floats, a clown and Jimmy Buffett music.  On Sat we filled moms bedroom with balloon animals (Sissy's been practicing) and played an old song "All Gods Creatures Have a Place in the Choir" about fifty times.  Good Fun! Made mom's day.  Now we have to play the song every day for her. I plan to get pics added to this blog, but I've spent too much time here already this AM. Time for mom's breakfast and such...

     

Ozzie and Harriet

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